Monday, March 23, 2015

Tuesday, March 17, 2015


Source: Internet
Top of the morning and Thank You!

Monday, March 16, 2015

Friday, March 13, 2015

Last trip to Costco (Friday Funnies)

Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog,
which weighs 191 lbs. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant?
So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was Laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say. Forward this (especially) to all your retired will be their laugh for the day!
Source: Internet
Thank You! Alice 

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Say What?

Source: Internet
Thank You!

Thursday, March 5, 2015

Bought vs. Homemade (Thursday's Tenderness)

Bought vs Homemade
               (it just doesn't get much better than this...note the expression in the picture)

Six year old Annie returns home from school
and says that today she had her first family planning lesson at school.

Her mother, very interested, asks: "Oh. How did it go?"

"I nearly died of shame!" she answers.
"Sam from down the street says the stork brings babies.
Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage.
Pete in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital."

Her mother answers laughingly, "But that’s no reason to be ashamed."

"No, but I can't tell them that we were so poor
    that you and daddy had to make me yourselves!
Source: Internet Email
Thank You! Alice